Degree

Hi and Assalamualaikum

It's been a while i didn't jot down something on this blog. Well, i would say that blogging isn't my priorities. Since i entered degree, i started to feel really insecure. I insecure almost about everything. Well, that is so not healthy. Degree life is full of challenges. There was one time, before i entered i was telling myself, i am going to be one of the best student here. It's my second semester but all that seemed to be a little hopeless. Aku macam tak bersemangat langsung nak buat apa-apa. idk why. There is a guy in my class, pandai nak mampus. To be honest, aku memang impressed dengan dia. The way he talked about something, amazed me. Nampak lah dia memang ikhlas nak belajar. Belajar sebab ilmu bukan sebab nak lepas pointer je. Ikhlas. Aku selalu tanya diri aku, mana keikhlasan aku menuntut ilmu. Dari gaya aku, aku memang terpaksa habiskan degree sebab aku dah taktau nak buat apa dengan hidup aku. Sedih en. Dah masuk degree pun taktau tujuan hidup. Ada orang pernah bagitau, nak tahu tujun hidup, kena bercinta dulu. I was like, whut? Dengan hidup aku yang tak tentu arah ni bercinta is not an option. Aku terumbang ambing, ni pulak nak bercinta. Love can wait, but success can't. I got to figure out something. To be the best student, at least ah nak merasa title tu. Insya Allah. Semoga aku istiqamah dengan niat aku. Amin.

hi

P/s; ni post emosional sikit.

Well, i have to admit that i missed you so badly,E. Idk. Moving on is the hardest part to do. It has been months now but still i can't get over you. You look like you are doing totally fine without me. How could you do that? Kau macam tak terkesan pun dengan everything. You knw, you meant the whole world to me. You took me for granted. That what my friends said. Idk benda tu sekadar nak sedapkan hati or what. But still, kau tahu aku tak percaya semua tu en. I know you way better than them. Diaorang nampak apa yang kau buat, but not the true you. Man, this is hard. And i'm making this hard on myself. Look, i'm a kind of girl yang once i fall, i fall hard. There's nothing in between. Fuck this feeling. Lately aku mimpi banyak pasal kau, idk why. But apa yang pasti, it's not a good sign i guess. Sebab in my dream, kau macam cuba untuk menjauh. Contoh aku boleh bagi, kalau aku mai nak duduk sebelah kau, kau akan pindah tempat lain. That's it. I thought bila aku dah kat ump aku boleh lah move on. Mak aih susah babeng. Aku rasa macam nak nangis setiap hari. Maybe this is the price that i have to pay. Ye lah, i gave you my all but then, kau tak pun. Aku boleh terima we are not meant to be together kepe, tapi yang aku takleh nak terima is, kenapa kau macam menjauh? Well, i have a few theories. First, mungkin kau nak bagi ruang kat aku untuk  move on. Kau taknak aku tunggu kau macam orang gila. Secondly, you already have someone else? Hit me with the truths. Kamon, i need answers! Third point, mungkin aku yang beriya. Maigawd putt, berbuih mulut suruh orang give their heart a break kau tu haa, tak reti nak guna nasihat sendiri ke?!

Sigh. You knw, aku tahu apa aku patut buat. Tapiiiii, entahlah nak. Hati aku still takleh nak terima anything. Aku jadi numb and idk. Warggghhhhhh, nak phase ni habis awal :(